Chili de la diabla (She-devil Chili)

Rule 1: Everything is to taste, you are an adult, cook like one.

History: This was suppose to be a Chili Colorado recipe but shit went wrong.  The sauce I made for the meat was waaaaay to fuckin spicy.  Partly because the sauce consisted of 3 cans of adobo chilis in chipotle sauce.  I am a fan of spice and quiet literally addicted to Sriratcha.  But this was a heat that I have not experienced in a while.  So in order to save the spicy culinary abortion I came up with this recipe.

Sauce:

3 cans of adobo chilis in sauce (you can use less, pussy)

half an onion

a bunch of cilanto

garlic (I cheat and use the pre chopped shit)

Puree that shit.

Chili:

1 lbs stew beef

1 or 2 lbs black beans

a pork sholder

2 cans yellow corn

1 small can tomato paste

Chicken bouillon

12 pack of Miller High Life 

Fresh Oregano

I used a slow cooker for the pork shoulder and shredded that shit.  Takes ~6 hours for mine, plan ahead. Or smoke that bitch, bitches love some smoke.

Brown beef in a stock pot.  Add beans, you can either do dry beans and make them yourself your if you are a rich fucker, buy the cans and save yourself a few hours of cook time.  For dry beans make as the instructions, but leave out a cup or so of water.  As the beans cook replace the missing water with High Life and while you are at it drink a few yourself, I recommend a 1:2 ratio, get yo drink and cook on son.  Let that shit simmer, once the pork is nice and shredded throw it in with the beans and beef.  Now add the tomato paste, bouillon and sauce.  Chop up some oregano, throw it in.  As the water cooks off/gets soaked up, add with beer while adhearing to the 1:2 ratio.  Add corn at the end just so it gets to the right temperature

If you like other shit in your chili then add it.  I used chopped onions, cilantro and cheese for garnishes.  Great with some mutha-fuckin corn bread.  And if I remember correctly, there should be 2 or 3 cans of beer in this, so you are obligated to 4-6.  Which means if you have your crew over, make sure they bring their own drinks.

Lamb, Lentils n Shit Curry soup

First Rule: everything is to taste, you are an adult, cook like one
You are going to need:
1 lb bag of lentils
enough water for the lentils + a cup or two
1 lb of carrots
an onion
bunch of kale
olive oil
garlic
curry powder
lemons
ground lamb (I used a pound, use more if you want to fuck it up with lamb, or w/e)
Chicken bouillon ~3 or 4 tablespoons

Cook up the lamb in a large soup pot.  Then make the lentils as directed in the same pot with all the tasty lamb fat and shit.
Take the veggies and garlic, and throw that shit in a food processor yao, you are going to make a veggie smoothie out of that shit, you'll see.  Liquefy it, or as best you can, the olive oil is to give the food processor something to work with while you are grinding that shit down.  Peel a lemon and toss it in (try and de-seed it those are a mutha to bite into) process that lemon.  This is going to be the stock for the soup, son, Kale is all good for you and shit (http://bitly.com/7RkKif if you want some reference), and you can never eat enough carrots, also a good way to trick people into eating super fuckin healthy.  You can actually put what ever veggies in this, I just picked some baller ass superfoods that taste fuckin awesome.  I made a standard kitchen-aide sized batch of this, not sure how much of what goes in there, I used about half the kale and how ever much carrots, see rule #1.

Now dump that superfood smoothie into the lentils that are a bubblin.  Now your soup is going to look like some nasty toxic shit, thats just the Kale bits separating from the soup.  The lentils will start soaking up water and some of the green shit, also that curry powder has a yellow hue to it so it'll make it look less scary.  Make sure to keep enough water in that bitch otherwise yo shit gonna burn.
I also added a can of chickpeas and sweet corn, for extra depth n shit.  And some more lemon juice, once again, invoking rule #1.

All in all this made a huge fuckin pot of fine ass grub, like almost filled my 6 quart pot.  If you have curry powder already this will cost ~$15 ($8 is coming from the ground lamb).  So if you are super fuckin broke, stop giving blowjobs at truck stops to afford McDonalds, rather whip this bitch up and hopefully your dick intake will go down.  Unless you like it, then suck on my friend, but at least you have more cash in your pocket.  Per serving costs like 25 cents, add another bag of lentils for even more cost savings.

Paella

I made this Paella, entered into a contest and never heard anything about it. 


It's right here.

I had a great time making it, I even used a wood fire!

Coffee mug

Size does matter!

Been a year..almost

Since my last post. So on my almost anniversary of silence I guess I'll update. I am now the proud owner of two very nice folded carbon steel knives. My wife looked at one of them the wrong way and it cut her finger from across the room. Ok, thats a lie, but they are that sharp. Which leads me to my point on knife safety more people get hurt from dull knives then from sharp ones, honestly. I used to work at a wine bar and we were constantly slicing and chopping and 9 times out of 10 the injuries were due to the knife not being sharp enough and taking the tip off someones finger and right into a salad (happened only once, and we may or may not have noticed that the tip of the finger was in the salad after we served it). The other 10% comes from not paying attention. So when handling knives, sharpen them and pay attention, otherwise you'll have to comp someones meal and give them free dessert...

I digress, I received a Shun knife for Christmas and it is as beautiful as it is sharp. It is a 6 inch damascus patterned chef's knife and if you have the money i definately recommend this beautiful  knife.

Just some Rambling

So in order for me to keep my sanity right now, I am going to just type out a stream of consciousness because I haven't uttered a word to anyone today. I have to say that I got a little excited when my work phone rang, for a second and the jackass hung up...I was honestly hopeful that I could do some work. I might just turn off the internet here just for a little excitement. Oh that would be sweet, people running around pounding on my door "YAO!!!! THE INTERNETS ARE DOWN" alas, while I am intellectually lusting for human contact and conversation their just isn't the motivation for me to actually do anything.

Since this is primarily a cooking blog I will regale someone with my dinner last night. After realizing that perhaps my steady diet of fried fare and meats will kill me sooner or later i decided to use my cooking prowess to change that. So last night I made some chicken in a white wine, leek, garlic, pepper and lemon sauce. The sauce consisted of nothing more than the above with a little olive oil. Then we had some asparagus with the sauce on it, it was awesome. Damn, now I'm hungry, rightfully so all i have had to eat today is a cliff bar and a half gallon of coffee (ok not a half gallon but enough). I am back on a work out kick that hopefully will stick, I feel like it will because I am starting to enjoy the pain and fatigue that comes along with a good work out. Also, I really dont have anything better to do. I either work out for an hour or so or play video games for an extra hour which honestly my ass doesnt need that.

In efforts to eat more like some without a culinary death wish I am trying to refocus the mainstays of my diet. I am actually trying to invert the proportions of my diet. From almost non-existant vegetable consumption to a majority. Which should prove interesting for my body to shift from a processed grain and red meat dominant diet to one of poultry, seafood and vegetables. I am probably going to eat a baby by the end of the week... maybe.

So for the small percentage of people who know me and the even smaller percent that know me and read this, there has been some job troubles as off late. About a month ago the owner of the company I work for came to me and the office manager and said that he wasn't sure about the health of the company and suggested that if we had another job to take it. Reading in between the lines here, get the fuck out while you can!!! This has lead to an indescribable amount of stress while i desperately try to hunt down a job that I can do. Most jobs out here in the Midwest are either sales, general labor or some obscure shit that research physists can do. Whats a consultant/tech person to do, I am to gentle to do general labor and I don't have a PHd in Quantum fluid mechanics or whatever that job posting was for. So after a week or so of doing some serious network milking and resume spamming, I got two hits. One is a general tech support and bench work the other, which i am more excited about, is a technical consultant for a finance firm :D, I am excited. This should prove to be awesome, truly awesome if i get the job because I can finally cook like I want to, using materials that I can actually afford to use and have access to that fresh stuff.

It is now going on 2 hours and I still haven't had any human interactions. I wonder how long until i spiral into a disassociative hallucination where I can't determine the difference between my existence and a that of a highlighter. Kinda like having a 0 Charisma score in D&D. Perhaps I'll crack open that orange I bought, that'll occupy me for...not long at all.

Sauted leeks in a white wine, butter and lemon sauce

I have never cooked leeks before but god damnit I am kicking myself for it. All these years I could have been having leeky goodness in my mouth, well I am going to make up for it. Still, I digress recipe is as follows

• White wine, left overs from a fiancee will do in a pinch
• butter, i think i used a quarter a stick
• rice
• chicken broth
• half a lemon

From my limited experience with leeks I learned a valuable lession, they are a bitch to clean. So what i did, and would love to discover a better method, is to cut the leeks in to little disks. Threw the disks in a collander and run under cold water. Then I laboriously rifled through the little bastards making sure all the mud and god knows what else is in farm soil was washed off, or at least to the point where I could in good conscious serve the food, shhhhh. So with my leeks and potentially goat placenta I threw it into a skillet the white wine, the butter and the other half of the lemon from the previous entry, set the burner to medium high. If I had more white wine, ahem Eva!, I would have cooked the leeks longer and on a higher temperature. But since she did buy the wine, I couldnt argue. Cook a cup of rice with chicken broth. Serve the orgasmic rings of green deliciousness on top a bed of rice and pour the white wine sauce on top. Presto changeo delicious.