Chili de la diabla (She-devil Chili)

Rule 1: Everything is to taste, you are an adult, cook like one.

History: This was suppose to be a Chili Colorado recipe but shit went wrong.  The sauce I made for the meat was waaaaay to fuckin spicy.  Partly because the sauce consisted of 3 cans of adobo chilis in chipotle sauce.  I am a fan of spice and quiet literally addicted to Sriratcha.  But this was a heat that I have not experienced in a while.  So in order to save the spicy culinary abortion I came up with this recipe.

Sauce:

3 cans of adobo chilis in sauce (you can use less, pussy)

half an onion

a bunch of cilanto

garlic (I cheat and use the pre chopped shit)

Puree that shit.

Chili:

1 lbs stew beef

1 or 2 lbs black beans

a pork sholder

2 cans yellow corn

1 small can tomato paste

Chicken bouillon

12 pack of Miller High Life 

Fresh Oregano

I used a slow cooker for the pork shoulder and shredded that shit.  Takes ~6 hours for mine, plan ahead. Or smoke that bitch, bitches love some smoke.

Brown beef in a stock pot.  Add beans, you can either do dry beans and make them yourself your if you are a rich fucker, buy the cans and save yourself a few hours of cook time.  For dry beans make as the instructions, but leave out a cup or so of water.  As the beans cook replace the missing water with High Life and while you are at it drink a few yourself, I recommend a 1:2 ratio, get yo drink and cook on son.  Let that shit simmer, once the pork is nice and shredded throw it in with the beans and beef.  Now add the tomato paste, bouillon and sauce.  Chop up some oregano, throw it in.  As the water cooks off/gets soaked up, add with beer while adhearing to the 1:2 ratio.  Add corn at the end just so it gets to the right temperature

If you like other shit in your chili then add it.  I used chopped onions, cilantro and cheese for garnishes.  Great with some mutha-fuckin corn bread.  And if I remember correctly, there should be 2 or 3 cans of beer in this, so you are obligated to 4-6.  Which means if you have your crew over, make sure they bring their own drinks.

Lamb, Lentils n Shit Curry soup

First Rule: everything is to taste, you are an adult, cook like one
You are going to need:
1 lb bag of lentils
enough water for the lentils + a cup or two
1 lb of carrots
an onion
bunch of kale
olive oil
garlic
curry powder
lemons
ground lamb (I used a pound, use more if you want to fuck it up with lamb, or w/e)
Chicken bouillon ~3 or 4 tablespoons

Cook up the lamb in a large soup pot.  Then make the lentils as directed in the same pot with all the tasty lamb fat and shit.
Take the veggies and garlic, and throw that shit in a food processor yao, you are going to make a veggie smoothie out of that shit, you'll see.  Liquefy it, or as best you can, the olive oil is to give the food processor something to work with while you are grinding that shit down.  Peel a lemon and toss it in (try and de-seed it those are a mutha to bite into) process that lemon.  This is going to be the stock for the soup, son, Kale is all good for you and shit (http://bitly.com/7RkKif if you want some reference), and you can never eat enough carrots, also a good way to trick people into eating super fuckin healthy.  You can actually put what ever veggies in this, I just picked some baller ass superfoods that taste fuckin awesome.  I made a standard kitchen-aide sized batch of this, not sure how much of what goes in there, I used about half the kale and how ever much carrots, see rule #1.

Now dump that superfood smoothie into the lentils that are a bubblin.  Now your soup is going to look like some nasty toxic shit, thats just the Kale bits separating from the soup.  The lentils will start soaking up water and some of the green shit, also that curry powder has a yellow hue to it so it'll make it look less scary.  Make sure to keep enough water in that bitch otherwise yo shit gonna burn.
I also added a can of chickpeas and sweet corn, for extra depth n shit.  And some more lemon juice, once again, invoking rule #1.

All in all this made a huge fuckin pot of fine ass grub, like almost filled my 6 quart pot.  If you have curry powder already this will cost ~$15 ($8 is coming from the ground lamb).  So if you are super fuckin broke, stop giving blowjobs at truck stops to afford McDonalds, rather whip this bitch up and hopefully your dick intake will go down.  Unless you like it, then suck on my friend, but at least you have more cash in your pocket.  Per serving costs like 25 cents, add another bag of lentils for even more cost savings.